Joe Montana & Hulk’s Bogus Journey (or The Quarterback of Notre Dame) There isn’t much that throws your humble author for a loop these days, dear reader. I’ve savored the subtle scribblings of politicized parody comics and absorbed the mind-bending absurdities of Alan Moore’s most diabolical designs. What put a burr in my britches in this particular case, true believer, is that a comic book forcibly transported my mind through time, altered reality without explanation and failed to live up to my expectations for one of the best writers to ever occupy the Marvel Bullpen.
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IN SPACE, NO ONE HEARS YOU SCREAM (But your blaster still goes “Shrak!”) Every so often, your author comes across a comic book which presents such a dynamic story and bountiful beauty that it leaves me virtually speechless. This is one of those times, dear reader, and it is glorious. Most readers of modern comics are familiar with the Guardians of the Galaxy, particularly their enigmatic leader, Star-Lord.
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VIOLENCE NEVER SOLVES ANYTHING (except for crossword puzzles where the answer is “violence”) What do you do when your comics, which are mainly sold by newsstands, become too much trouble for too little profit by those same vendors? Simple, you reprint old material, blow it up to enormous proportions and slap a price tag on it more than five times the cost of a single issue! Now, you know my style pretty well by now, my fellow front-facer, so there’s no question that I like to write about comics with profound pontifications, filled with meaningful metaphors or beaming with evocative eloquence.
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The Sweet Seduction of Interchangeable Parts (and The Choking Hazards of Rocket Cannon Projectiles) Long has the tradition flourished, this strategically synergized system of comics and children’s toys locked in a hypnotic dance of capitalistic ecstasy. Working its way along numerous franchises, these licensed properties have helped He-Man, Voltron, G.I. Joe, The Transformers and many others to sell more toys, which promote the comics, which once again promote the toys. One of the pioneers of this delirium-inducing pirouette of marketing brilliance was Mego (mee-go) Corporation’s Micronauts. The origins of how this line of children’s toys became a Marvel Comics monthly publication are laid out in an earlier edition of Comics ‘n Coffee
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HOLD ME CLOSER, SPYING DANCER Marvel Preview was among some of Marvel’s extensive line of magazine comics from the mid-1970s to the early 1980s, which were somewhat akin to miniature graphic novels, not to be confused with the actual graphic novels published around the same time. In addition to this publication, there were other variety books on the market such as Epic Illustrated, Savage Tales and Marvel Movie Premier, along with magazine-style titles focused on singular characters, including Kull and the Barbarians and Rampaging Hulk. For $1.25, you got a heckuva lot of story, usually in stunning black-and-white pencils and inks, and got to meet a variety of fascinating characters without having to follow an ongoing plot.
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ALL GOOD ROBOTS GO TO HEAVEN (or How X-51 Got His 01100111 01110010 01101111 01101111 01110110 01100101 Back) We’ve seen it played out in many different ways: the concept of machines becoming sentient. We can’t help but imagine how things will be once our technology reaches human-like potential. If sentient, will we shackle machines as subservient tools or will we grant them the freedoms that we enjoy? If a machine possesses independent thought, can it dream? When a robot knows fear, love, hate and despair, does that mean that it has a soul? Such ideas have been explored in literature (I, Robot), television (Star Trek) and movies (The Terminator), but they have all centered on a singular notion: humanity. The question isn’t a matter of machines becoming human, for that day seems closer all the time … but what does it mean to BE human?
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EXCESSIVE TOUCHING MAY RESULT IN BURNS (Ask your doctor about Man-Thing™ Brand Soothing Cream) There was a time when not every hero had a perfect smile and wore flattering tight spandex. This was also the time when horror stories didn’t automatically mean zombies and supernatural tales weren’t confined to teenage vampires with over-inflated libidos and under-inflated acting skills. Imagine this pitch meeting at one of your modern comic book publishers: it’s a monthly story about an inhuman protagonist made of swamp muck who lives purely on instinct, not truth, justice and the American Way; someone who doesn’t wear a costume, never leaves the Florida Everglades and can’t even speak. Now imagine this character becomes so popular that it inspires more than one volume of headlined comics over three decades. I’m pretty sure that particular pitch would get laughed right out of the meeting room (“Security! Escort Mr. Hansen from the premises!”). My caffeinated friend, few people would understand how such a formula would work in today’s modern world of comics, but it’s a solid fit for the morning musings of this edition of Comics ‘n Coffee.
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Put Your Armor-round Yer Lady, Unless you Repulsor There are comics which make you excited, some you simply endure, and some which even make you tingle in that special way. Then, there are comics which make you think … where you ponder what super powers would mean to a world as complex as ours with all its hopes, dreams and variations of religion, politics and strife. When standard super hero fare becomes a lesson in morality and your humble author provides a rare spoiler, it must be another edition of Comics ‘n Coffee.
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We are the World … We are the Children of the Atom In 1985, I was still adjusting to a new house, neighborhood and school away from everything I had ever known, but somehow became aware of an upcoming television program called “Live Aid”. There had been a devastating famine in Ethiopia that year and a large group of musicians, bands and other performers were getting together for a gigantic fundraiser/telethon to raise both money and awareness of the plight of Africa’s starving population.
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HIT ‘EM WHERE IT HERTZ! (or… Amped-Up Battery Above the Loop) Dear reader, I could converse about The Incredible Hulk all day and night long. This is not exaggeration in the slightest, for my love of the green goliath has spanned 30 years and spurred a silly audio podcast production about the Hulk which earned me the nickname “Smash”. But even before I began reading the adventures of ol’ mean and green, he was stomping across the Marvel Universe, putting fear in the hearts of citizens and evil-doers alike. For 25¢ in January 1975, you could join Bruce Banner and his alter-ego for another monthly adventure courtesy of Len Wein, Herb Trimpe and Marvel Comics Group. Grab your favorite hot beverage mug and join me for “Fury at 50,000 Volts!”. As with most Marvel titles during the Bronze Age of Comic Books, the characters of note are presented in quick, detailed clarity. The Hulk appears on the very first page and within a few frames, his completely avoidable confrontation with a passenger train ends badly … for the train. In one page, however, we see not only the simple-minded Hulk threaten the safety of a train full of passengers, but […]
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A Comical Battle of Egos(or “an I for an I”) “And there came a day, a day unlike any other, when Earth’s mightiest heroes and heroines found themselves united against a common threat. On that day, the Avengers were born – and when that threat proved too much for the Avengers, they called upon the Lion of Olympus to save the day. Heed the call, then – for now, and forever, Hercules stands triumphant!” A year after Marvel pulled off “Assistant Editor’s Month” to great acclaim, a fill-in creative team took the reigns of The Mighty Thor after 19 consecutive months where Walt Simonson basically ran the whole show. The Mighty Thor #356 sold for 65¢ in June 1985 just as The Incredible Hulk faced certain death during his exile at The Crossroads, Rocket Raccoon and Iceman were in the midst of their respective limited series, and Sasquatch faced off against Sasquatch in the pages of Alpha Flight.
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Even Super-Heroes JOUST Want to Be Loved (or The Epic Flail of Phillip the Wannabe Wizard) There are certain things that send your mind reeling through time. When you see a favorite movie, smell an old flame’s perfume or hear a song from your childhood, you might as well have stepped into a Delorian or a TARDIS. This is what happens at the sight of Peter Parker on a date with Debra Whitman in the pages of Marvel Two-in-One #90. There was a time when your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man didn’t have the responsibility of being an Avenger, had never seen a symbiote and was only concerned with his love life, his grades and the ever-precarious health of his dear Aunt May. In 1982, the walloping web-snapper took a break from his studies at Empire State University to attend a renaissance faire in Central Park coincidentally at the same time as a certain orange-skinned, cosmic-powered man-of-action.Bitten by a radioactive spider, Peter Parker gained the proportionate strength and agility of an arachnid, along with an extrasensory perception of danger.
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The Hyborian Horror’s Homecoming This edition of Comics & Coffee puts a chill up my spine as I write it, dear reader, for it shines a light on things best left hidden in darkness. Marvel Premiere started out with stories about Adam Warlock, but issues #3-14 take us through the hauntingly harrowing quest of Doctor Stephen Strange as he endeavors to save the life of The Ancient One and the soul of the entire universe! For only 20 cents in 1972, some of Marvel Comics Group’s key talent brings us the titanic tale of Doctor Strange as he travels wide across the globe and to the far reaches of space to halt the coming of “He Who Sleeps, But Shall Awake”, the primordial god of all evil (first mentioned in the Robert E. Howard short story “The Curse of the Golden Skull”), Shuma-Gorath!
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While I Breathe, I Hope! Ho, warriors of Midgard! At one time, I verily believed myself to be alone in my appetite for tales of heroes most wondrous. But nay! In recent years, there hast been an army building – one not of sinew and steel, but of hearts overflowing with affection for the wonder we call COMICS! In one breath, it did seem that where there was once a world of amazement and gods walked the Earth to the great awe of mortals, today this world hast grown callous and jaded. In days past – when wall-crawlers were still named Parker, when Hulks were still named Banner and when events did not span a dozen titles over a hundred fortnights – your humble scribe enjoyed tales of such action, merriment and heroism that the Valkyries themselves sung praises aplenty, forsooth! ‘Tis not my intent to dwell on the joys of yesteryear, but to share with you all those tales. Should you wish to join in my revelry, I ask that you don your mystic cape, fill high your flagon of mead (or coffee, in my particular case) and delight in the tales which used to beget many a reader […]
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